Not The Bentley!
by ChelberNo.1
Summary: While Skulduggery and Valkyrie rush to take down some crazy energy throwers, the Bentley is put into danger. And Skulduggery is NOT going to let that continue. Will the Bentley make it out totally unharmed?


**A/N: This is my first Skulduggery Pleasant fan fiction. I was reading The Faceless Ones, and I got up to the bit when he and Valkyrie come to Aranmore Farm, and Ghastly's van is on its side. I was wondering what Skulduggery would do if that was the Bentley. And before that, when Valkyrie got control of the Sceptre, and accidently destroyed China's bookshelf of priceless books. That Skulduggery wouldn't be so forgiving if she accidently got the Bentley.**

**Skulduggery loves his Bentley – now, **_**that's **_**an understatement.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Skulduggery Pleasant. **

* * *

Valkyrie gripped the sides of the Bentley's seats, trying to keep still as possible, as adrenaline pumped through her. Skulduggery glanced at her from the driver's seat, the city's lights illuminating his skull. "Nervous?"

Valkyrie stared ahead, not really seeing the night sky through the windscreen. "Well, yeah. I mean, we _are _kinda heading into battle. Against a heap of energy-throwers. The ones that went crazy and pretty much totalled half a town. I'm not exactly looking forward to it."

"Well, it was a pretty small town. So they only destroyed, let's say around three buildings, five tops. It's not exactly _their _fault they went crazy. Crazy people don't usually choose to go crazy. Maybe their co-workers were really annoying. That could be enough to drive someone insane."

"I know the feeling," Valkyrie could feel Skulduggery's eyeless gaze on the side of her head, but she didn't look his way. She heard him huff, and let herself smile.

Skulduggery took a left, Valkyrie's stomach lurched, and suddenly they left the city, and were surrounded by trees. "Whoa . . . how did that happen?" She stared out the window, trying to figure out what just happened.

"I have no idea, either. My guess, is that magic was involved."

Valkyrie glared at him. "Really? No kidding. How'd you figure that out?"

Skulduggery waved his hand airily at her. "Don't waste your sarcasm on me, my dearest Valkyrie. Save it for the bad guys you'll beat up tonight."

Valkyrie considered this, then shrugged. "Fair enough. But, be warned, after this is over, you'll be my next victim."

"God take mercy on my soul,"

They drove onwards for a few more moments, until they came to the outskirts of a forest. Skulduggery guided the Bentley to a trail, where they drove slowly, lights dimmed. "Do you think the battle's begun yet?" Valkyrie whispered.

"I don't know," Skulduggery whispered back. "Depends on how organised the crazy energy-throwers are. And how alert our side is."

"Who's on our side again?"

"Ghastly, Tanith, a few Cleavers, and a few other mages that the Sanctuary provided."

"Oh, good. That's a fair few. We should win."

"Why are you still whispering?"

"Because it's night, and we're in some woods. Haven't you played Slender Man?"

Suddenly, bullets tore open a tree that was a few metres in front of them. Valkyrie let out a surprisingly high shriek while Skulduggery cursed, turned the headlights off and put the Bentley in reverse. He zoomed backwards along the track. Several hundred metres later, he stopped and looked at Valkyrie. "You squealed,"

"I did not. I shrieked. There's a massive difference."

"Why did you shriek?"

"It startled me, OK! I was thinking about Slender Man, and suddenly the poor tree is being torn up. I think my heart stopped." She looked Skulduggery, who was still staring at her. "What? Don't tell me you've never been taken by surprised. I can name at least fifty times when you've been surprised."

"No, I was thinking that whenever you're near a tree, either you or it gets beaten up. It's amazing. You could be a new breed of sorcerer."

"Look, instead of talking about my problems with trees and high pitched noises, can we actually go and _help _with the major battle that obviously started without us?"

"Right you are," Skulduggery got out of the car and started jogging down the track. Valkyrie stuck her head out the window.

"Uh, Skulduggery, couldn't we just _drive _there? It would be quicker, and, you know, more energy saving."

Skulduggery looked back over his shoulder. "Didn't you see the poor tree you cursed?" He sounded perplexed. "I'm not letting the Bentley anywhere _near _that! What if it gets hit? Nah, we'll walk there." He turned and continued jogging down the track.

Valkyrie sighed, got out and started running after him. As she got alongside him, he started talking again. "You know, you're right. It _was very _rude of them to start the battle without us."

Valkyrie glared, and said nothing.

When they finally got to the battle scene, the battle was in full swing. Ghastly turned around, saw them and stomped over. "Where the hell have you been? Where were you five minutes ago when they came out, guns blazing?"

Valkyrie spoke up, before Skulduggery could open his mouth. "We were actually here, but the Bentley almost got hit by a bullet, Skulduggery wanted the Bentley to be safe, so the reversed and we had to walk here."

Ghastly gave Skulduggery a glare that could turn milk sour. "That better not be true,"

Skulduggery hesitated. "Actually, we _ran _here, not walked . . ."

"I swear to God, Skul-"

"Well, when she says it like _that, _it sounds a little ba-"

Ghastly threw his hands up. "I don't care. Just help." He returned to the battle, quickly helping Tanith finish off an energy-thrower that, for some reason, was foaming at the mouth.

Valkyrie grinned at Skulduggery, who sighed, and they both ran into the midst of the battle.

* * *

They returned to the Bentley, supporting a few sores and bruises, but otherwise fine. Skulduggery approached the sleek, black vehicle, and stroked it lovingly. "See? Aren't you glad that it's OK? I don't know what I would've done if it was injured. I would have been devastated." Valkyrie didn't say anything, not wanting to admit that she had grown fond of the Bentley, too.

"Not one scratch on it, Skulduggery. Can we go now? I'm tired, and I want to sleep in my bed tonight."

"OK, then," Just as he went to open the driver side door, there was a rustling above them, and something white and runny fell on the Bentley's bonnet with a soft _thud. _Skulduggery looked up as the bird flew away, then looked back down at the poop. "Oh,"

"Ah," Valkyrie responded, feeling the need to say something.

Skulduggery sagged. "I hate birds," he groaned. "I never did like them."

Valkyrie shrugged. 'Your fault for being so paranoid and parking the car too far back."

* * *

**A/N: Poor Skulduggery. He just wanted the Bentley to be safe, and it got pooped on by a bird. His next case is probably going to be to track down that bird and put it in prison.**

**The cat's fallen asleep on my feet, and the new Skulduggery Pleasant book that's coming out this September is stressing me out. Either Valkyrie or Skulduggery's gonna die, I can feel it. Skulduggery's gonna sacrifice himself for Valkyrie, so she can live (Valduggery!). Gerald/Thrasher is going to get seriously hurt, then Scapegrace is going to realise how much he needs him. Clarabell is gonna do something major, and Ravel is going to be the one to give himself up for the Accelerator. **

**The Reflection (I REFUSE to call her Stephanie; I'm holding a grudge against her) was the one in Cassandra's vision that starts talking to Valkyrie – While Valkyrie was in watching the vision, in Last Stand of the Dead Men – saying that she wouldn't let 'her'- as in Darquesse – kill her parents. Because if it was Valkyrie, there would be no way Skulduggery would let her go back to being Darquesse. And, in the first place, Darquesse would be too strong for Valkyrie to break back through. **

**See, I'm thinking this through now, looking for loop-holes in the books, and it is stressing me majorly. Like, if Lord Vile shows up again – well, I have a few different theories about what's going to happen. I swear, when I get my hands on that book, it will be the most stressful week of reading in my life. I'm still mourning Ghastly. But it is the best book series I have read. You have to read it, if you haven't. Derek Landy is a genius. **

**Well, I think that's enough senseless chit chat from Chelber No. 1. Peace out!**


End file.
